When We Became I
by Littleoldmeeeee
Summary: After the war, George is left devastated at Fred's death. It looks like he'll never be the same again, until a very special Christmas Eve :) Just a one-shot from George's POV :D


**Author's Note:** So this is my first ever fanfic! YAY! I'm not too happy with the way it ended, but I hope you enjoy it, and I apologise for any mistakes :D

So much love for **Peregrinus5Floh**, who so kindly let me use their art for the cover picture :-D Thank you so much - check out their deviantArt guys, it's brilliant! :-)

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I don't own Harry Potter..

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It was Christmas Eve.

The stars were coming out, shimmering like Sickles in the velvet sky. The white carpet of snow crunched beneath my feet as I made my way past the church. The lights inside were bathing the grave yard in golden light, and although the doors were shut, I could hear the muffled sounds of the Muggles singing _God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs_.

The grave was coming in to sight as I made my way round to the back of the church. Perhaps it would have been easier to apparate there, but for some reason, I always walked. I knelt down slowly in front of it, holding in my breath. The snow instantly seeped through my black cloak, but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel anything anymore.

I traced the inscription which had been half-filled with ice.

Fred Weasley

Beloved son, brother and friend

~ Mischief Managed ~

Maybe it was crazy to think the pain would have become any easier over the last year. Because it hadn't. It still cut through me like a knife whenever someone mentioned his name. My heart ripped open the hole that he had left every time I remembered his face_. _Whenever people tried to be understanding, it just made everything worse, because they didn't understand. I was nothing without him - I needed him.

Part of me still kept forgetting he was gone. I'd think of something incredible, and turn to tell him, my best friend, the person who understood me better than anyone else in the world, and he was gone. And the memories would come back.

The way he would flash me a grin before coming out with a scheme more incredible and dangerous than I could have dreamed of.

The way his face lit up devilishly when he one of our schemes actually worked, or when he had taunted Umbridge.

The way his brown eyes softened with concern whenever he thought I was hurt - the way he had been so scared when my ear had been cursed off.

_Stop it_. I told myself angrily, running a hand over my face wearily, feeling absolutely drained. I hadn't slept properly for a year. His face filled my dreams, always asking why? Why wasn't I there when he died? Why did he have to be the one to die and leave me all alone?

Well, no. I wasn't alone. Not really. But I couldn't be around Mum and Dad without them insisting I stayed with them, just for a while they promised. Ginny and Harry, Ron and Hermione, and Neville and Luna were no better. I just wanted to be left alone. At least Percy seemed to understand that.

But I still came back to why. Why couldn't I have died instead? He was the leader-twin, the one who could make people laugh, the funnier, smarter, braver one that people loved more. I was just like his shadow - following behind him, only dreaming of being as great as him.

I was crying now. Again. No matter how many times I tried to stop the tears, I was still numb inside, unfeeling and cold. The sobs racked through me, as hot wet tears mingled with my sodden cloak from where I'd been kneeling in the ground.

_This is all your fault_ I told myself viciously. _If you had just looked out for him more, been there, you could be the one that's gone, Fred could be the one that's needing you now._ But I knew he wouldn't be as pathetic as this. He wouldn't be broken and weak, he'd plaster on a smile and move on.

I could barely breathe, I was crying so hard. Then I heard something. A crunch behind me.

I whirled around on all fours, animal-like, silently cursing myself for only having one ear.

And then I blinked in surprise. It was a strikingly pretty girl, a nineteen-year-old who I recognised only too well. She was about my height and slender, her dark skin contrasting sharply against the snow around us. Her black hair fell loosely around her face, and her toffee brown eyes were shining with worry.

"Angelina?" I whispered hoarsely.

"George," she murmured, falling to her knees in front of me. I couldn't look at her.

"I thought you'd be here," she said quietly. Still I didn't say anything.

She tentatively reached out a hand and touched my cheek. I flinched at the contact.

"My god, you're frozen," she gasped, taking my hand in hers. I tried to pull it out, but she was holding it tightly, stroking her thumb across my palm.

"Why are you here?" I asked, beyond caring how rude I sounded, or what a mess I looked.

"I'm not going to lie to you. Percy asked me to come," she said softly. "But I didn't just come because he asked me to," she added at my expression. Percy? Why would he care? I knew he felt just as guilty as I did - if not more so. And why send Angelina? "I came because I..because I really care about you."

"No you don't. No-one does. Not now," I said before I could stop myself.

"Is that what you think?" she said sharply, withdrawing her hand. I said nothing, but glanced up at her for the first time - her eyes were narrowed, mouth set determinedly. "Because I know you know that's not true."

Something snapped inside of me. And suddenly I was on my feet.

"Isn't it?! I yelled. "Don't bloody tell me that people care because they don't! They don't care about me - all they see is Fred - he's the one they care about!"

"Don't even say that!" she yelled back. "You have no idea what this is doing to your parents! They care - they care so much, they-"

"SHUT UP!" I screamed at her, my voice completely cracking. I turned away from her, trying to stop fresh tears from falling.

"No! If you could see yourself - what you've become, do you really think this is what Fred would've wanted?!"

"STOP IT!" I knew exactly what I'd become - a ghost of myself, paler, thinner, haggard. But she had no idea what Fred would want - no-one did, he was gone. "HE'S DEAD! So I guess I'll never know what Fred wanted, will I?!"

Angelina stared at me, keeping her face calm. I suddenly became aware of how my hands were still tingling where she'd touched me, the jolt in my stomach as we made eye contact. There was still music coming from the church - faint, but clear. God, she was beautiful. I thought I was over her, after all, Fred was the one she had gone to the Yule Ball with, the one she had looked at with such a dreamy expression. _She was Fred's_, I reminded myself. _Fred's ex, not yours._ A sudden realisation hit me. _She knows. She knows exactly how you feel. She understands. _Because they dated.

I staggered towards her, wanting support, wanting comfort. She took me in her arms immediately. Her warm body was soft and gentle, and she tightened her arms around me as I started to cry again. "It wasn't your fault," she whispered. "None of it was your fault."

"It was..." I sobbed hysterically. "I should have been there...I should have died instead.."

There was a sharp stinging across my face. I stumbled backwards from the blow, staring at Angelina in surprise, who had her hand raised, expression furious. But she caught me before I could trip and fall.

"Shut up you idiot. If you had died, I wouldn't be able to do this." She pulled me towards her, slipping her arms around my neck, and pressed her lips against mine tenderly. Something exploded inside me - joy, amazement, shock - it was like fireworks. Not just ordinary Muggle fireworks though - Weasley's Wizard Wheezes type firework that continually burst in to fresh colours with pops and bangs. Without thinking about what I was doing, I slid my arms around her waist and was kissing her back.

Suddenly, there was a crack and I felt myself land on something much more solid than the fluffy snow. It was much warmer here too. I broke away from her, confused.

"What the-?"

It was home. The fire was roaring in the grate, there was an enormous tree that looked like a riot of colours, presents crammed underneath it. But as I moved away from Angelina, I saw the people. Mum and Dad were sitting on the sofa, looking tired but smiling broadly at me. Beside them were Charlie, Fleur and Bill. Harry was cross-legged on the floor, Ginny sitting across his lap. Hermione and Ron beamed up at me from in front of the fire. Luna, Neville and Percy were on the other sofa, Percy was actually laughing and joking with them. I flushed bright red like my hair as I realised that they had all seen my first kiss.

"George!" Mum cried, and before I knew what was happening I was being crushed against her. "Thank goodness, I've been so worried-"

Without warning, everyone was crowding around me, hugging me, patting my back. They all sounded so relieved and kind, that I felt tears stinging my eyes again.

There was only one person I really wanted to hug me, and she was hanging back, looking awkward. I pushed through the people and pushed myself against her. She wrapped her arms tightly around me again, and I buried my head in her shoulder. "Thank you," I whispered.

She said nothing, she simply pressed a kiss against my cheek. I knew I'd have to face my family at some point, but as I took a deep breath and pulled away from Angelina's safe hug, I looked down at our interlaced fingers, and I realised something was finally right in my life. I might be broken and weak, but Angelina was ready to fix me.

"I'm sorry," I announced to the room. "For-for everything."

"You have nothing to be sorry for George," Dad said softly, the lines around his eyes deepening with concern.

I closed my eyes. They had all told me that over the last year - that it wasn't my fault, I shouldn't be sorry, and I so desperately wanted to believe them. But he was gone. And that was my fault, wasn't it? No, I realised, if you'd been there, he would have done something stupid to keep you safe - he would still be gone. It wasn't my fault.

And he wasn't really gone, was he? He was still a part of me and I remembered Angelina's words from earlier - Fred wouldn't want this at all. He lived for the day, smiled through pain and I needed to do the same, no matter what.

I looked up at them all, and smiled - the first genuine smile since Fred's death. "Merry Christmas," I said brightly to their surprised faces.

_Merry Christmas Fred_, I added silently. _I love you_.

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**Author's Note:** Thank you for reading, please please please review! :)


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